We had just had our first ultrasound the week before, and was told that our baby had Anencephaly and would not live. It was devastating. The doctor presented the choice of abortion, but at the time we weren't quite able to give an answer. He told us to come back in a week, take a second ultrasound look, and then talk about it further.
The week of waiting was difficult. We didn't expect our second appointment to be any different of a diagnosis, but it didn't stop us from praying. We knew without a doubt that the Lord could heal our baby, but we also felt that it was not part of his plan to do so.
We arrived at the clinic and started the ultrasound. As hard as it was knowing that Isaac would only be in our lives for a short time it was still exciting to see him on the screen. He had such a strong heartbeat and was very active! He seemed to enjoy bouncing around. We asked for more pictures and then went to the exam room to wait for the doctor. I'm not sure what answer the doctor expected us to give him, but the choice was not a difficult one for us. We told him right away that we didn't want an abortion. I remember him saying something like "Ok, so you want to continue this pregnancy like normal?", asking us to confirm what he had understood. We said yes, so he proceeded to measure my belly and listen to Isaac's heartbeat.
He then had to warn us about a few things we might have to face with my pregnancy. For the most part, nothing would be much different. However, there would be a higher risk for miscarriage or premature birth. Scary as it was, we knew that God would take Isaac home when the time was right. He also told us that Isaac might be smaller, and that I would most likely have to have a C-section. I didn't like that part. The thought of being cut open while awake somehow doesn't appeal to me, but I would do what I had to. There wasn't too much more to discuss. At the time I was healthy, and Isaac was as healthy as he could be, so that pretty much concluded our appointment. Our doctor did refer us to the perinatal so they could do another more in-depth ultrasound to see if there was anything he missed. He also had us do genetic counseling to see if this was genetic. If it was, it would be something we could face again with future pregnancies. The thought of it happening again was absolutely horrifying, so I put it out of my mind and decided not to worry about it until I had to worry about it.
We made the appointment with the perinatal, went home, and life went on. It helped to go back to work and keep busy. We had to discuss how much longer I should keep my job, though, with the higher risk of preterm labor always in our minds.
Throughout my whole pregnancy, I learned a lot about FAITH. When you find yourself in a position that there is no solution for, you have a few options. 1) Worry 2) Pray. We did a lot of both, but we really just had to learn to take things a day at a time. There was nothing we could do, nothing the doctors could do. Everyday we got up and Isaac was still with us was a miracle, and I had to learn to focus on that instead of worrying about what was coming in the future. That doesn't mean that I never worried, I did. A LOT. I worried all day, every day about going into labor. I worried about not being able to get a hold of Kaiwi if I did go into labor. I worried about a C-section, I worried... and I prayed. I prayed for God to keep Isaac with us for as long as possible, I prayed that Kaiwi would be home when Isaac was born, I prayed that God would take Isaac if he was ever in pain.
Looking back on everything, I had no reason to worry about ANY of those things. God worked so many miracles, and everything was so perfectly timed that there was no way we could deny that He was in control.
"...for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor
Welcome! My name is Marie, and I have been married for 5 years now. We have one beautiful son, Isaac, waiting for us in Heaven and another son, Hayden, here with us! I hope to share with you more about our journey- where we have been and where we are going.